Today was supposed to be the day I got my life back together.
For a good start, which involved me settling down behind my desk (hasn’t happened in a year), the following chain of events didn’t quite work out.
My macbook charger died on me.
1. Submit online visa application
2. Watch Facebook videos from Darrell
3. Submit course-matching request and sort out timetable
4. Let the fact that school has started (but not for me) sink in
5. Make myself a cup of hot tea and reflect on last semester (plus grades)
6. Blog/Write something substantial
Baby steps, baby steps. Pace yourself.
Appearance is everything.
All they can see are the absences, the lack of exploration, the sub-standard work, the clumsiness, and the late submission. So they think it’s a serious lack of effort.
When everything is quite the contrary, really.
They won’t know how much effort it took to complete (disastrous) work on time on days when even breathing becomes a chore.
“What does it mean to be happy to you?”
“Let’s rephrase that. How do you see yourself if you no longer have these negative thoughts?”
“I don’t know? I guess… then… I wouldn’t be me anymore.”
I feel like I have been doing a Holden Caulfield the whole of this semester. Or maybe my entire life, idk?
“You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn’t a bad mood at all; it’s just your sucky personality.”
You’re excelling at nothing at all.
Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo.
Nothing at all.
it doesn’t even have to be good?
You can’t excel at every single thing, you know?
Maybe it doesn’t have to be perfect.