I am so screwed

Talent, there is none
Motivation, there is none
Time is running out

Once again, I have reached the point of being so overwhelmed by work that I am just wasting away into misery. The bliss you get from procrastination is short-lived. I once told Bertrand that I didn’t understand how people would ‘run out of ideas’ and that it’ll never happen to me. It’s only seven weeks into school and now I’ve got to eat my words. What is this lol T_T

I think I shall go to sleep.

The First Baby Step

Just for a moment, let me be narcissistic:

I am a walking mass of contradiction.

I love one-to-one conversations. But because I am awkward as hell and because I think at the speed at which a snail walks, most of the time I cannot carry a conversation well. Which is why despite my introversion, I also love being in a group.

In the former, I am 50% of the conversation. This means that I cannot afford to shut down my mouth even when I have nothing to say or when I get tired of talking. Whereas in the latter scenario, I can just lurk around and smile and listen to all your stories without causing anyone to feel awkward as hell.

I love to talk.
I love to listen.
I love to laugh.
I love people who can make me laugh.
And above all, I love humble people.

I love sincerity, too. I hate when I cannot let go of people whom I already know are just pretending to be sincere. I wish they would stop clinging onto me. But I recognize that even acting takes effort, and I am afraid of the day in which they finally decide that I am not even worth their tiniest bit of energy. So I end up clinging onto them instead.

Who’s the drama queen now?

I am a walking mass of contradiction.

I am afraid of so many things. Another of which is how people might perceive me when I finally hit the publish button to this post. I want to stop the self-censorship, I want to act crazy too.

But I don’t remember how and I hope that one day I might learn to love myself again.

August 2015

A million things on my to-do list, yet here I am…
Justification: MUST do this before September ends else the months will soon snowball into years.

01 The Move

Activated my whole family for help, lol. We had lunch at canteen two before heading back home for a movie marathon.

02 Lexin Baby Shower


 photo IMG_0348_zpsljtct0cf.jpg

04 Melanie Lunch // Troopers Dinner

It was Melanie’s last week at IMCB, so we decided to eat the A*STAR banmian for one last time. A year later and the auntie still remembers me! Well, maybe it’s not that hard to forget someone who buys the same thing from you every single day for a period of six months. Nevertheless, I was still pretty touched. It’s amazing how much comfort the littlest things such as this can give – an assurance that your past wasn’t just a dream or a figment of your imagination. Anyway, it was a nice nostalgic lunch with Melanie :)

 photo IMG_0467_zps2difwfze.jpg

Met up with Troopers for dinner that night at Minds’ Cafe – our last outing before school starts!

05 Dental // Freshmen Welcome

I made a card for the dentist and bought him chocolates because I thought it was really the last time I’ll be seeing him EVER. That’s what happened last year except I forgot to pass it to him.

Me: I actually wanted to give them to you last year but forgot to bring!
Dentist: WHAT?! So you are giving me expired chocolates now??!
Me: Noooooo! I bought new ones!

Then he gave me another appointment for next year. So I’ll still be seeing him again, lol.

 photo IMG_0372_zpsi2mphpyw.jpg

Visited the Shrine of Emmarlene that night for some fortune-telling. It was unfortunate that we had to witness the mistreat of Mingrui’s dog by Songyu. The night’s events were disrupted by a creepy dude. Ugh.

06 ADM Day Camp

 photo IMG_0409_zpsaanniho3.jpg

 photo IMG_0442_zps9a3wyeme.jpg

Finally met our classmates! G5 seems like a cute bunch – we can’t draw for nuts (as you can probably tell from our banner). The day ended late and I had to cancel dinner plans with Jillyn :( Ended up dining with Troopers at JP.

07 NUA

The queue at the customs was crazy so we postponed our JB trip and went to Upper Thomson for dimsum instead!

08 Min Lunch // Researchers Dinner

Lunch was arranged specially so that min could pass me a whole bunch of stuff, it’s almost as if Christmas came early. Where else can you find such a good friend?!!

 photo IMG_0485_zpssst9baat.jpg

Missing: Daiqian, Melvin, Thamil, Victor, Wenjin

09 National Day

 photo IMG_0508_zpsjlqwxnnd.jpg

Featuring Golden Jubilee Baby Lexin at EGG’s

10 JB Day Trip

A mini retreat before school starts for real, whoop! Feeling thankful towards ahyi and yizhang for driving me back to hall that night and for piling me with heaps of food and stuff, hahaha.

11 Socks!

First week of school = no tutorial = lunch with socks = yay
Many thanks to Gretel and Wenjin for coming all the way to Pulau NTU and for sending me home!

12 CCA Fair

No hesitation – harmonica it is.

13 Art Shopping

My god was it tiring!!! But we met Dee’s girlfriend, Jasmine, that day and she’s so nice and friendly! Then Nicolas, Reynard, Zhixin and I almost lost our marbles on the train back to boonlay.

14 Harmonica Welcome Tea


16 Artfriend with Zhixin

That place used to bring me joy. Now all I feel is pockets getting lighter, lol.

17 Troopers Dinner, Pioneer Canteen

19 Clay Modelling with Zhixin and Shuainan

22 4D Photoshoot with Min

 photo IMG_0801_zpsastuoalu.jpg

Min is hands down the BESTEST friend one could ever ask for. I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL TvT

23 Printing is expensive

Was supposed to help Orion with his 4D shoot but (-_-“) I don’t even know what to say lol.


Had dinner with Shinyin that night, she introduced me to the stir-fried yong tau foo at Quad.

25 FTT

26 4D Assignment One Submission

27 Troopers Pizza Party

Zhixin and I planted our butts in ADM and drew non-stop from 2pm to 11pm. There was some event going on and we managed to kope some beehoon from the buffet line, hehe. Made small talk with countless people throughout our camp there and I’ve come to the conclusion that ADM people are really super friendly and easy to talk to! Pizza party turned into Macs party and I still had to continue shading cubes and spheres there, but it was nice meeting up with the first bunch of friends I’ve made in school :)

30 Family Buffet

August’s been pretty eventful.
ADM’s just so different but at least for now, I’m happy where I am and that’s what matters :)


Protons and Neutrons,
Jiving in their Nucleus with,
Disco lights and balls.

Meanwhile, longingly,
Watching from outside the door,
Electrons revolve.

Dejected, they left,
Crossed the road to somewhere new,
Hoping for the best.

Searched street after street,
Yet everything’s the same and,
Outside, they remained.

Little did they know,
Envious, were the occupants,
Of their adventures.

They have no choice but to stay,
Cooped in their Nuclei.

And invitations –
None were sent. Anxiety,
(Social, duh) was why.

Do they not have it?

Feeling like the pile of poop I drew on my own blown-up face. I swear the auntie judged me when I printed it on A3. Anyway yeah, shit shit I feel like shit.

The worst feeling in the world that one can feel is that of him being mightier than anyone else.

Thankfully, my pie isn’t fully polished off – yet?
Pray, might I never go hungry.