This is yet another crap post full of rants.
Please feel free to ignore.
Yesterday was Tuesday and I reached home at 5pm instead of 10.30pm. Know what this means? It means that I’ve taken a break from pottery classes. Why? To catch up on my studies and to prepare for examinations. Sigh.
We only have 2 papers this semester but final tests for all the remaining modules which are considered as ICA modules -_- The worst thing is that all those final tests are lined up ‘nicely’ side by side and they all fall wayyyy before the examination week – meaning there’s less time to study for them 😦
I deleted a chunk of reflections because it was so extremely incoherent that I can’t even make sense of what I’m trying to express. Then I figured, such thoughts are only meant for my mind. As long as I know what I’m thinking, it’s okay if no one else understands. My thoughts create my world.
I like to walk very fast. I hate walking slowly, and have no idea why.
Then this morning on my way to the MRT station, I felt tired and stupid all of a sudden. I thought to myself, “You’re still early for class, there’s no hurry at all. But why are you walking so fast??!!” I couldn’t answer my own question so I slowed down my pace. Then my mind ventured to think about what I really want to achieve in life. An image popped up and I liked it. It was a wonderful feeling.
Everytime before exams I get this feeling. Overwhelmed. Lost.
I want to score good grades so that I can get a good job and earn enough money to make the image that popped up come true. I like to read the textbook but I don’t know how to study. I don’t know how to score for examinations.
And now, I don’t see why I have to study OCRM and FUNANA because seriously they are of no use to me. Sure, it’s rather interesting to learn about the mechanisms behind chemical reactions and those science machines but it’s not like I’m gonna be a chemist right 😦 And I have to give up things I enjoy doing so that I have more time to do the things that I see no point in doing. What kind of stupid logic is this?!
I don’t even want to be a scientist oh why am I in this course. This question haunts me again and again, even more when exams are around the corner. I want to do something about it.
BUT WHAT ?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!