Every second is a ‘doomsday’ in itself.

Hello.

Sometime ago, I asked DGG what will happen when doomsday come and everyone die. I’ve asked many people the same question too. I’m really curious, that’s why. DGG’s reply was the best answer I’ve heard so far.

“Nothing will happen, we will all go to hell or heaven together and stay there.”

We are not religious people. I’m not even sure if I’m a Taoist or a Buddhist. Anyway, he went on to explain his theory.

“When a person dies by him/herself, he/she moves on to the other realm, where ever or what ever that is. However, when the whole world dies as a whole, we move to another same place together and we can never return to the previous world. That is why I’d like to think that we are actually experiencing doomsday with every second that has slipped by us.”

Since then, I’ve been contemplating his reply whenever I don’t feel like doing any other things. With every second gone, we die and move on to the next second. That is why we can never return to the past. (BTTF & time-travel movies strictly not counted!) I thought what DGG said made sad sense. We all know that we should cherish what we have now so as not to have any regrets in the future.

But who actually does this?

Certainly not me. I’m always looking back at my life and feeling nostalgic over everything. If not, then I would be worrying about what’ll happen the next minute. I guess I’ve never ‘lived in the moment’ before.

Sometimes I read about people committing suicide, and I think they are all very foolish. I’m not being mean or anything. I know they felt helpless at that certain point of time. I did think of ending my life once (hahahaha, no joke) and that was during my O level year FYI. Thank goodness I wasn’t insane enough to do it. But what stopped me from doing it?

ONE. Papa once told me that people who end their own lives are stupid. They don’t resolve anything but make everything worse for people who actually love them.

TWO. If I die now, I won’t ever get to enjoy my life. If you kill yourself at the time when you are most unhappy, you will forever be stuck in that unhappiness. Wouldn’t it be more worthwhile to endure a little while through the tough times and then savor the fruits of your hardships later on?

THREE. What if we die then go to another world with the same system (or whatever we were trying so desperately to run away from)? What do we do then? We can’t possibly die again can we? Nope, we will still be stuck in the same situation. We’ll still need to face the music somehow.

FOUR. I’m a coward. HAHAHAHA. This is the stupidest reason but yeah, I’m scared of pain. That’s why I won’t ever kill myself.

Actually, death is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I’m not even afraid to die, unless it involves a whole lot of pain, then I might reconsider this statement. I just don’t want to die just yet. Not until I’m happy with who I am and what I can do. In other words, not until I’ve found the meaning to my very existence.

Yesterday, we went to IBN open house and toured their laboratories. The researchers there explained about their ongoing projects and so on. I was standing right at the front for the first lab we visited. And, I was giggling non-stop, trying and failing to stop myself from laughing at the researcher’s accent. I felt super bad but I really couldn’t control. In the end, Hong Zheng had to pull me to the back of the group where I was still trying hard to suppress my laughter. I told mummy about this last night. Sian = Sand By then I didn’t think it was funny anymore. Tsk, I must have been high on my flu medicine that afternoon hahaha.

I’m really supposed to be clearing my to-do list but BlackBoard is down when I really need it to start work. Sigh.

I’m not sure if I’m not doing any work because I’m still sick or because I’m just plain lazy to use my brain. Hahaha. I sure hope that I can recover ASAP. Need to tackle the new challenges coming my way!

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