Great Scott! It’s 2015 already?!
At the start of the year, I had to rummage through my archives post by post just to recall what happened in the previous year (memory fail, haha). In order to save myself from such trouble, I made the decision to diligently curate key events by month and that was probably the wisest decision I’ve ever made, yey!
January was bliss. Still a full-time polytechnic student, the only thing on my plate was getting a fabulous GPA. But since it was already the final term, there was really not much I could do about it! Nevertheless, I absolutely enjoyed the final modules and times spent with classmates after lessons.
As university application dates drew near, February wasn’t as much fun anymore. It was time to make another potentially life-changing decision – to continue studying or to enter the corporate battlefield as an adult? If the former is chosen, which university to apply to? What to major in? What if my grades aren’t good enough to get me in there? Do I even need this degree? What can I do without it? On one hand, I couldn’t wait to graduate, but on the other, I was afraid of what awaits me. Then came a point when all I could think of was, “Screw it, I’ll just be a blue-collared worker!” So I went ahead and applied for a job as a florist assistant.
March was the start of a prelude to Limbo. I worked as a regular part-time florist for the entire month. Dr. Ban then tempted me with a job offer back at IMCB, which I accepted because I was either out of my mind or extremely desperate for money. And in doing so, I readily signed up for half a year of working seven days a week AKA slogging away for money.
April was alright. Dr Ban acted more like a mentor than a boss. Then came our official Graduation in May and Writing 101 Challenge in June. As an introvert, the crazy schedule (weekdays in the lab and weekends at the florist’s) was already stripping me of quality time to recharge. The breaking point finally came when Melanie joined in July.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Melanie’s company a lot, and was elated when we got to work together again even both our internships have ended. It’s just that, there’s a finite amount of stimulation I can tolerate before spiraling into withdrawal and depression. The only alone time I had left were the way to work and in the shower. I didn’t even have any energy left to play with my adorable nephew after work 😦 Eventually, I apologized to Dr. Ban and pleaded for him to let me go at the end of August.
September was freedom! Sort of. The whole family was tied up with decluttering, house renovations and EGG’s wedding preparations. It was also when the Limbo effects struck me head on. Now, what’s that? You ask.
Limbo is when all your friends have moved on with their lives (university, work or national service) but you are still stuck very much in between.
Limbo is when people (relatives, random surveyors, insurance promoters, all the same) ask, “Are you (still) in poly?, “Oh, already graduated?”, “Applied to university or working?”, then after you inform them, “I’m taking a gap year to figure out what I really want.”, you have no idea how to reply them in a polite and dignified manner when they shoot you back with “Then what are you doing now???” coated thickly with belittlement when “So you are just lazing around for a whole year living off your parents???” is what they really mean.
Maybe it’s just my inferiority complex acting up, or maybe those insensitive jerks really mean it all. Whatever the case, at least I’m able to comfort myself with the fact that I paid for my poly education with my savings, I’m earning my own keep, I have NOT taken a single cent from my mum ever since graduation and that I am working towards my goal.
While I’ve met my share of judgmental suckers like those described above, I am also extremely thankful for people who try to understand my plight. Some of them are even very supportive of my decision to not waste money studying something I can’t see myself doing in the future just because society says I need a degree.
Sorry, I got carried away 😦
Anyway, 2014 is just a really weird year spent in Limbo and I am grateful for my family’s support.
#1 Be a better student, daughter and sister(-in-law)
I finally got a GPA of 4.0 for my last semester in SP!!! This means that I achieved my goal of being a better student and that I can die without regrets, hehe! Although a little shameless to say, but I believe I did become a better person this year 🙂
#2 At least two good drawings per week
Uhhhhhhh. I did draw after being free, just not as much :p
#3 At least one book per month
I did not read a single new book at all. Only all seven HP books in the month of July (ha ha ha, guilty laughter). Thoroughly ashamed of myself.
#1 Escape Limbo
#2 Be a better student, daughter, sister(-in-law), aunt and friend
#3 Draw something in my sketchbook everyday (even if it’s just a stick man)
#4 Fix my feelings
#5 Forgive myself for the decisions I make
I signed up for two part-time courses at NAFA to prepare myself for university. If I get accepted, that is. Fingers-crossed. The courses start next week and should keep me busy for at least six months. Can’t wait!
I never felt so understood before finding out that I’m an INFJ being mistyped as an INTJ all along. I finally know why I tend to replay every tiny detail of every mistake I’ve ever made. This annoying habit has kept me up countless nights and made me hate myself for so long! I am going to try to fix them this year. Please do not be surprised if you receive a long email from me apologizing about something I said/did to you ten years ago, or asking for you to clarify certain things!
2015, I am so ready for you! >:)
Incidentally, this is also the year of power-laces, hoverboards, flying cars, insane fashion, Jaws 19 and re-hydrated pizzas. If you don’t get those by the end of this year then probably:
Have a good year ahead everybody! 😀