What is the point?

Wednesdays this semester have been nothing but depressing.

It’s sad how a simple topic (water) can surface so many social, environmental and moral problems. I know the right attitude to this class is supposed to be, “Oh, let me make a difference by designing something to solve these problems!” But somehow I just feel so small, insignificant and powerless to change anything.

Alternate Thursdays too.

Counselling hasn’t been too useful either. Alright, maybe I’ve learnt how to identify all my negative thought patterns. But so what? It doesn’t make any of them less real to me. It only makes me more ashamed of myself, and the fact that I am too weak to view things optimistically and too lazy to do something about it.

See, the same conclusion occur to me all the time – I’m trapped.

Why do we exist again?

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Rambutan

Thankful to have found a special one 🙂

It’s funny how I’m rooming with Xiantian this month but I hardly see her in the two weeks that school have started. This semester is gonna be tough when she leaves for Taiwan. Sigh.

In retrospect, perhaps no semester can be tougher than the previous one…?

I like to learn new things. So much so that I signed up for woodshop class despite being terrified to death of bandsaws and the likes of it. My mind tends to convince itself that they are killer-machines out to get my limbs. Anyhow, I cut my first piece of wood on Monday and all my body parts are still perfectly intact. Hooray.

This is a somewhat decent update in a really long time. I’m slowly learning how to write again. Last semester was that difficult. Please be proud of me.

Some things I learnt this summer:

1. My greatest pet peeves are wastage and tardiness

2. You can get away with anything as long as you look attractive 

3. Koreans aren’t as polite as I was told, but they sure are vain though

4. Kindness doesn’t kill, it never does

5. Nowadays I only blog when I’m upset

To: Someone who was once a big part of my life

Hello,

Greetings from Seoul! I’m here for a month of summer studies and the reason I’m writing this is because I haven’t deleted your address from the memo pad on my phone since my last visit to your house. So I thought, why not? ^-^”

I was actually pretty hurt by some of your words that day, even though I might have seemed okay. I was just acting nonchalant to salvage what little dignity I might have left. Though you told me that you hated sentimental people, I realised that I am not sorry for being one. I guess I still can’t get over the fact that we aren’t really friends anymore.

I sincerely hope you are doing fine.

P/S: I chose this postcard as it reminded me of the time we ate Superdog while watching fireworks together at Vivocity. And I can’t help but wonder now, were you really happy then? I knew I was.

Siqi
30/6/17

But a submerged iceberg

Funny how I only come here to whine nowadays. Have been meaning to write a proper post – something this space has been lacking for quite a while. There simply was not enough motivation.

What happened to me?

A takeaway from Madness last semester is that repression is one of the driving factors of craziness. And what is madness? Is it not just a deviation from The Norm? Yet, The Norm is not always right. But I digress. God, my thoughts are a mess. 

I guess I’m feeling like a hybrid of Esther, a piano teacher and Veronika now.

Make up your mind, woman! And stick to it, goddamnit.